


Hard Truths

by randomisjen



Category: Buffy the Vampire Slayer
Genre: F/M
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2012-04-22
Updated: 2012-04-22
Packaged: 2017-11-04 03:14:15
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Major Character Death
Chapters: 5
Words: 8,814
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/389090
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/randomisjen/pseuds/randomisjen
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>See challenge below</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. Chapter 1

Title: Hard Truths  
Author: [Jen](mailto:supermom11200@yahoo.com)  
Email: [supermom11200@yahoo.com](mailto:supermom11200@yahoo.com)  
Rating: PG-13 for language and violence  
Pairings: B/A, B/S, B/G, G/Olivia, W/Oz, W/T, X/OC  
Setting: Beginning set after Lie to Me (S2), flash forward to the end of LMPTM (S7) then after that, it's all over the place, going seriously AU.  
Summary: See challenge below  
Distribution: BGWM, GRB, Giles' Flat, WG, my usual haunts  
Feedback: It's my drug of choice.  
Disclaimer: Nope, wasn't me. I didn't do it. Joss, ME, and various other entities did.  
  
Notes and Thanks: 1) This comes to you courtesy of Daien's challenge on BGWM. It's an older one, but no one else has done it that I know of. If you like it, thank Daien. If you don't, blame me. LOL I tinkered with the challenge slightly to make it easier for me. Hope you like it.  
2) Dialogue taken from LMPTM. I didn't write it and I think we all know that. :D I refuse to give credit to whoever wrote that episode. I still throw things at the TV whenever I see it.  
3) My lovely, wonderful, sweet friend Kim punched up the angsty Angel parts. Thanks, luv. You are absolutely the BEST!!!  
4) Phen, you keep coming to the rescue and saving me. Thank you so much!! Sorry about the B/A, but the story REALLY needed it. :P  
  
`' means thoughts, ** means emphasis.  
  
BGWM Challenge #70 Daien "Season Two Buffy Kicks Some Ass" The beginning is set between Halloween Season 2 and Angel's return in season 3. Buffy is sent* to late season 7 right after the infamous door-slam in the face. She doesn't like what she sees and hears (Spike is the only one who understands her, the only one she can count on blah, blah, blah. Buffy's treatment of the Scoobies especially Giles. Buffy's indifference to the victims, Wood and his mother for example) She turns to Giles (in both time periods). Have Giles open up to her in both time periods (not that he's in love with her though, she's still 16-17). Have early Buffy stake season 7 Spike and kick season 7 Buffy's ass when she tries to stop her. When Buffy returns to her own time period she vows not to become a pathetic vamp-lovin' ho <eg> The decisions she makes lead to Buffy and Giles getting together eventually (season 5ish) and Spike meeting another dusty end (yes he gets it twice!) ASAP. *this can be accidentally or purposely (Ethan, Whistler, whomever)  
  


* * *

Winter, 1997  
Buffy Summers sighed as she closed her bedroom door. She hated funerals, especially for people she knew. The fact that Ford had been willing to trade her to Spike for eternal unlife didn't matter. He had been a friend once. That was what had mattered. 

Before she came up the stairs, her mom had told her that there was a package waiting for her. Joyce had professed no knowledge of the sender, but had smiled, thinking that her daughter had a secret admirer. Maybe Xander was finally going to ask Buffy out; if so, Joyce approved. He was such a nice boy. She wandered off to the kitchen, happy in her daydream. 

Buffy laid her coat across the end of the bed and walked to her desk. The brightly wrapped package caught her eye and she smiled. Reaching a hand toward the gift, she sat on her bed and carefully pulled off the paper. After opening the box, she lifted a lovely turquoise necklace and held it to the light. She smiled again and put it on. 

Suddenly, Buffy doubled over. The pain was intense, but lessened as time passed. When she sat up again, she noticed that she was in her mother's bedroom. 

`How had this happened?' she thought. She considered the necklace and mentally stuck her tongue at herself. She should know better. The last gift she received had turned her into a noble lady from the 18th Century. There was something wrong with the necklace. She knew that somehow, she had been sent somewhere else. She didn't know how she knew, she just did. Giles would know what was going on. She had to get to Giles. 

Before she could move, the door opened and voices carried to her. 

"Buffy...I...I understand your anger. Please believe me, we did what we...," her Watcher's voice said. 

Buffy looked everywhere but at him. "He's alive. Spike's alive. Wood failed." 

Giles sighed. "Well, that doesn't change anything. What I told you is still true. You need to learn..." 

At those words, Buffy finally looked at her mentor. "No, I think you've taught me everything I need to know," and she shut the door in his face. 

The mirror image of herself and the image of her Watcher was undeniable proof that it was her in the future. 

Then, the impact of what she heard fell over her. The Buffy on the bed looked at her counterpart in outraged disbelief. This THIS was her future self? What kind of person had she changed into? She rose from the bed, stalked over to the other Buffy and threw her against the wall. 

"Who the hell are you and what the FUCK did you just do?" 

************************** 

Spring, 2003 

The older Buffy stared at herself. She shook her head and looked again. But, there was still another Buffy in the room and that Buffy was pissed. 

"What did you just do to my Watcher?" younger Buffy demanded again. 

"What I had to do. He tried to kill my best fighter." 

"Spike? The same Spike that has tried to kill me twice? He's your best fighter? Are you on drugs or something? Spike is a vampire. I kill vamps. It's in the job description, look it up." 

"I don't know who or what the hell you are, but you certainly don't know what is going on and shouldn't be making judgments about what I'm doing. I'm doing what has to be done. You don't understand." 

"Understand? What's to understand about Spike?" young Buffy said sarcastically. 

"Spike got a soul for me. He went through unspeakable torment for me," older Buffy said with a sigh. 

"And that means what? He's special? Isn't one vamp with a soul enough for you? For us? What about Angel?" 

"Angel's not here anymore." 

"Angel left?" Buffy asked, her eyes darkening momentarily. "Why did he leave?" She narrowed her gaze. "What did you do to make him leave?" 

The other Buffy responded, "Look, I don't have time for a history lesson, Angel did what he always does and decided he knew what was best for us and he left. We're not together." 

"And now you're dating Spike?" 

"I'm not dating Spike. Spike fights for me and with me. He's a good guy now. He would never go behind my back and---" 

"Yeah, right. Spike's a paragon of virtue, blah, blah, blah, I'm sure. One day, he just sat up and switched over from the dark side." Buffy looked at herself and let the disgust she felt show on her face. "I'm going after Giles and you better pray that he's okay. Cuz, if he's not, I'm coming back and I'm gonna kick your ass." 

Older Buffy bristled at herself. "Oh yeah? You and what army?" 

"Just me. I'm the only fighter I need. I don't need Spike," she said with a nasty twist of her lips, "to fight for me. I'm enough." 

As the younger Buffy stomped out the door, older Buffy watched herself. `Was that what I used to be? Was that really what I was?' she thought, as she sunk down the wall and to the floor. 

Younger Buffy slammed the door behind her and almost ran straight into Willow. Willow, who had been hovering at the door trying to listen to the identical raised voices, took a step back. 

"Uh, Buff, where you going?" Willow asked, and then did a double take. This was the Buffy she remembered from high school, with darker hair and fewer lines on her face. `What's the Hellmouth going to throw at us next?' 

"Will, where are we?" 

"Uh, did you hit your head or something? We're at your house." 

"No, Wills. Better question, when are we? What's the year?" 

"2003, you know that." 

"2003?" Buffy exclaimed. "Nevermind. Wills, I can't talk now. Where did Giles go?" 

Willow looked at the floor and then back to her friend. Hesitantly, she reached out a hand and touched Buffy's shoulder. After touching Buffy and seeing something in the Slayer's eyes that had been missing for so long, Willow answered her. 

"He left. He said he needed to think and clear his head." 

Buffy took off for the stairs, dragging Willow behind her. 

"Which way did he go?" Buffy demanded. 

Xander peered up the stairs and rubbed his eyes at the sight before him. Buffy, but not Buffy, charged down the steps with Willow in tow. He looked from Willow to Buffy and back to Willow again. 

Willow shrugged at the question in his eyes and nodded. 

"He didn't say where he was going, but I saw him turn left at the sidewalk," Xander replied. 

"Good. Left, I can do left. I'll be back with him. Somebody may want to go up to the bedroom and slap some sense into that... that THING pretending to be me. Or don't. I think I may enjoy that myself." 

Xander and Willow grinned at the old-new Buffy and headed for the stairs as Buffy rushed into the night. 

************** 

"Giles!! Where are you?" Buffy yelled. 

Her prey hesitated slightly at the corner, yet continued as if he hadn't heard her. She quickened her pace and easily caught up to him. 

She grabbed at his arm and he jerked away from her. 

"What do you want now, Buffy? To tell me how much of a disgrace I am to the Watcher name? How many times I failed you in the line of duty? Just leave me be," he said wearily. 

"No, God no, Giles! How can you even think that? I had to come after you. I heard what she... I said and couldn't listen to her anymore. How'd I get so messed up?" she asked him softly. 

At her question, Giles turned around to tell her exactly how it had happened and stopped. Under the harsh glare of a streetlight, Buffy stood before him, but not the Buffy who had just broken his heart. This Buffy was a powerful force. Confidence and light radiated from her. His heart swelled for a moment before he shook his head. 

"Ah. I was wondering when and in what form you would appear to me," Giles said with a sigh. "Go on then, have at me." 

Confusion appeared on Buffy's face. "Giles, what are you?" 

"I know that I have failed her time and again. I couldn't keep her safe. That wasn't in the job description. I was supposed to send her out to fight until she died and another was called. But, she was Buffy, you see. She wasn't the job. She was Buffy." 

Buffy looked up at him with tears in her eyes. "Giles? What do you see when you look at me?" 

Giles sighed again. `Why must this be so hard? Oh yes, it is the First.' 

"Buffy, I see you as you used to be, so vibrant and full of life. I still remember that time. Before before everything went wrong; I see what you were, and I weep for what has happened to you." 

"Giles, how can I prove that I'm me and not whatever it is you're talking about?" Buffy asked. 

Giles gazed down on her face and slowly extended his left hand. As it encountered her hair, he faltered. Feeling the softness beneath his hand, he gasped. 

"Giles? What's wrong? Did I?" 

"Buffy?" he whispered. "Is it can it really be you?" 

His voice shook and she threw herself into his arms. He closed them around her and laughed quietly. 

Buffy felt the tremors under her cheek and looked up at him. 

"I think we need to talk, Watcher-mine," she told him. 

He laughed aloud at the neglected endearment. "Yes, I believe we do." 

  
  
[NEXT](/odd/authors/jen/hardtruthsgb02.html)

  
  



	2. Chapter 2

Chapter 2

Giles, Willow, Xander, and young Buffy sat on the back porch. Old Buffy had locked herself in her room and refused to come out. The Potentials had swarmed to the back door and kitchen window trying to get a look at the Buffy outside, while Giles told her who they were.

Buffy squirmed under their gaze and quickly shot a look over her shoulder.

"Could someone do something about the wannabes in there? They're making me feel like they can't wait for my head to spin around or something."

Xander smiled and went to shoo away the girls. He rejoined his friends after they had gone.

"Okay. What's the sitch?" Buffy asked.

And was sorry that she had. She knew that they were giving her an edited version of her life, but what they did tell her, made her sick to her stomach.

They told her of Angel, his turning. They followed with the tales of Kendra, Faith, the Mayor, and her first year of college.

When they reached this point, they had been talking for over an hour. Buffy raised her hand to stop them.

"Uh, guys. Isn't this going to mess with the space-time thingy?"

Giles smiled softly. "I honestly don't know. However, if you are able to return with your memories of here intact, maybe some good will come from what we have had to endure."

Buffy nodded her head. "Still. maybe I shouldn't know too much. Is there another way I can take all this back with me?"

The foursome sat in silence, until Willow jumped up and ran in the house. She returned with a large box. She handed the box to Giles and sat back down.

Giles peered at the box until recognition lit his features. "Willow, wherever did you find this?"

Willow grinned sheepishly. "Well, I went to the store when I got back. Yeah, okay, the store was pretty much gone, but the basement was still there. I went down, looked around, and found them. I was going to give them back to you, but then the First and everything else happened and I never had the chance."

Giles opened the box and pulled out two sets of books. The leather-bound journals, he stroked lovingly. The tattered notebooks, he handed to Buffy.

"When you return, give these to my former self. Read them if you want, but make sure that I get them. These books," he said, gesturing at the box, "are the official accounts for the Council. The notebooks are my private thoughts and musings up until last year. Anything you may need to know will be in there."

"How do we know that they won't disappear when I go back?" Buffy asked.

"We don't," Willow answered. "But, it's a chance worth taking."

"You're right. We have to. I mean, I have to. I can't let this happen again. None of it," Buffy said raggedly, setting the books on the step beside her.

"But that means that you and Angel won't." Willow trailed off as Buffy met her eyes. A part of Willow ached for the fact that the girl before her had aged in the short time she had been with them. The knowledge of what she had to do weighed heavily on her. Willow had forgotten, amidst all that they had been through, how painful the shattering of first love could be.

"Wills, I love him, but I can't take that chance. If we're meant to be, it will happen for us, just not that way."

Giles took Buffy's hand in his and sighed. "I must say that you are taking this much more calmly than I thought you would."

Buffy looked up at him with a twinkle in her eye. "Giles, I just got bitch-slapped with the future. I can't just stick my head in the sand and pretend it didn't happen. I was brought here for a reason. I *have* to make this better, if I can. If I didn't at least try, everything you just told me will have meant nothing."

Giles smiled down on her with quiet pride.

"Speaking of 'brought here'," Xander asked, "Just how'd it happen?"

Buffy told them the last things she remembered: the graveyard with Giles, coming home and finding the box. She showed them the necklace she wore. They debated the problem and decided that destroying the necklace was their best chance of getting her back to her own time or trapping her here forever.

The older Buffy stood at the door and listened to the easy camaraderie between the people she had called her friends and her younger self. Where had she gone so wrong? How had her life come to this?

The entire group looked up as a voice called out to Buffy.

"'Ello, Pet. What're you doing with that lot? You know what he tried to do to me earlier," Spike said.

The group stood, Buffy slightly in front of the others. "Yeah, I know, and I'm sorry they missed."

"Slayer, what are you goin' on about? He," Spike said, pointing at Giles, "tried to kill me."

"Have you been hitting the peroxide too hard, Spike? Cuz I heard you the first time, and it sounds like a pretty good idea to me."

Spike's jaw dropped as his eyes swept the group. He gazed at Buffy and looked over her shoulder. His jaw dropped further. Another Buffy stood in the door, with tears streaming down her face.

"What the. Two of them?" Spike sputtered. He walked toward the Buffy on the porch and reached for her. She slapped his arm away and shuddered.

"Don't touch me unless I ask you to. Wait a minute, I'll never ask you to."

As Spike tried to pass the group to get to the Buffy in the doorway, Giles shoved him backwards.

"Get your bloody hands off me, Watcher," Spike growled, throwing an off center punch at Giles. "I owe you for earlier and just might decide to collect now."

Buffy deflected the weak punch and kicked him in the stomach, causing him to stagger. "Don't ever touch my Watcher again," she said with deadly calm.

"Buffy? I thought you were with me on this. You were the one who came rushin' in."

"That wasn't me. That was her," Buffy spat at him.

"Then who is that?" Spike asked, pointing behind them.

"That's what I might have been. Now, I'll make damn sure *that* never happens."

Spike rushed at the Slayer in front of him. Swinging wildly, he never connected.

Buffy, however, launched an attack that flowed like poetry in motion. Every kick and punch landed, beating Spike to the ground.

Young Buffy had paused just long enough to pull a stake from a pocket, when she was knocked sideways.

Both Buffys stared at one another.

"I can't let you kill him," the older Buffy said.

"Don't you get it, do you? I kill him and that's the first step to making things better. Then, I go back and fix everything there, too. It's the only way to make sure that none of this," young Buffy screamed, waving her hand around, "never happens. Do you like what you are? Are you happy that no one likes who you are?"

"It doesn't matter," Buffy cried. "He has a soul, and I can't let you hurt him."

"Oh yeah. I forgot. Waa waa waa, he got his soul for me. He was tortured, blah, blah, blah. He's a good guy. So what? He's a vampire who has tried to kill you, how many times?"

"Oh," older Buffy yelled, sarcasm dripping from her voice, "so if Angel tried to kill everyone, you'd stake him too?"

"In a minute. He may have a soul, but I have a duty to protect the world. I may not like it, but it's there and I will not tell the world to go to Hell, just so I can get my jollies with the vamp of the week."

Clapping and whistling started behind the Slayers. Willow was bouncing in place, clapping loud enough to wake the few people in the house who might be sleeping, and Xander had two fingers in his mouth, emitting an ear splitting noise. Giles stood beside them and stared sadly at the older girl.

Buffy appealed to Giles. "You're just going to let her kill him? What about everything you ever told me about the big picture?"

Giles peered forlornly at his Slayer. "What about the fact that you have nothing else to learn from me? You've learned everything you need to, remember? You have a decision to make, Buffy. Spike or the rest of us."

Older Buffy looked at her former friends. She looked at everyone and saw the people who used to support her decisions but now questioned her every move. They expected her to lead, and then refused to follow without picking each decision apart. Spike was the only person who accepted her as she was. And that was enough for her. "Fine. Then, I choose Spike." Looking at her younger self, she said, "You're gonna have to go through me to get to him."

"Not a problem."

The Slayers circled each other cautiously, both looking for a weakness. Suddenly, the older girl threw a left hook, which the younger girl ducked as she planted a punch to her opponent's stomach.

The match was on in earnest now. The girls fought, neither gaining an advantage.

Young Buffy saw Spike dust himself off. She turned away from her double and landed another punch to his face and threw over her shoulder, "Can someone keep him occupied for a little while?"

Giles muttered some words and Spike was pinned to the ground.

After a few short minutes, the older Buffy began to tire, the last months catching up to her. The fight ended when the younger Buffy landed an uppercut that sent the older Buffy sprawling to the earth.

Willow rushed to the older girl as the younger Buffy walked to Spike, who was still struggling to rise from the ground and shoved her stake into his chest. Older Buffy sobbed silently as the body turned to ashes. She pushed herself away from Willow and rose from the ground.

"Fight the First yourself. I'm finished," Buffy told them. She marched into the house and up the stairs. Her door slamming shook the house.

Giles sighed and looked upon his Slayer. "Now, we need to get you home."

Buffy smiled sadly. "I know, but do you think I could get a hug and some sleep first?"

Her friends gathered around her, and the group remained motionless for several minutes. Giles, reluctantly, was the first to pull away. He cleared his throat and removed his glasses to clean them. The others giggled and stepped away.

Xander and Buffy walked into the house and headed for the basement. Willow stood beside Giles, wanting to say something, but not knowing how to say it.

Finally, she settled for, "Will it work?"

Giles shook his head, replaced his glasses, and replied, "I don't know. But I certainly hope so."


	3. Hard Truths 3/5

Title: Hard Truths 3/5  
Author: [Jen](mailto:supermom11200@yahoo.com)  
Feedback: It's my drug of choice.  
Disclaimer: Nope, wasn't me. I didn't do it. Joss, ME, and various other entities did.  
  


* * *

Chapter 3

* * *

Buffy woke up the next morning. As soon as the cobwebs cleared her mind, she jumped up and raced to the kitchen. Giles, Willow, and Xander sat around the table, drinking their morning beverages. Buffy walked over to the coffee pot, poured herself a drink, and joined them. 

"How long will it take to get me back?" Buffy asked 

Giles answered. "As soon as the necklace is destroyed, the effect should be instantaneous." 

Buffy finished her coffee and set the mug on the table. "Then let's do this. Sorry guys, but I have better places to be." 

They grinned at her and headed for the stairs. 

Willow's bedroom, which had been Buffy's, was empty. Buffy took the notebooks from Giles and sat on the bed. She removed the necklace and handed it to her Watcher. 

"Make it quick, Giles. I'm burning daylight here." 

Giles laughed and Buffy grinned back at him, as he calmed himself and nodded. 

He laid the necklace on Willow's desk and picked up a paperweight. Before he could smash the necklace, Buffy looked at him and said, "If I've never said it before, let me say it now. Thank you." 

He nodded again and brought the paperweight down. The necklace broke into several pieces and Buffy disappeared. 

"Do you think it worked?" Xander asked. 

"We'll soon see," Giles replied. 

****************** 

Winter, 1997 

Buffy sat up on her bed and looked around. Seeing the books in her lap, she smiled and opened one. Her Watcher's distinctive scrawl appeared on the pages. Placing the books on the bed, she smiled even more widely as she rose from the bed, gathered her clothes, and headed for the shower. 

Joyce watched her daughter dance into the bathroom and close the door. Off-key singing emerged from the shower and Joyce grinned. 'Oh to be 16 and carefree again' she thought to herself as she walked down the stairs. 

Buffy hurried through her morning rituals, wanting to get to the library. Giles was never going to believe this. 

\------------------------ 

Buffy skipped through the door of the library and called out, "Hey Giles! Where are you?" 

Giles strode from his office, startled by the happiness in her voice. After the previous evening, he had thought that he would not have heard anything resembling joy from her for a considerable period. 

But, there she was, happy and almost bouncing. 

"Buffy, are you alright?" 

"Never better, Giles. Can we skip training this afternoon? Something happened last night after you dropped me off, and we need to talk about it." 

"Buffy, did.?" 

"No, it's a good; at least I think it is. But, it's definitely Hellmouthy and you need to know about it. I'll tell the others that we aren't meeting today. I think that this is something that needs to be kept between us," she replied, patting her backpack. 

"Of course. I'll be waiting." 

"And I'll be here right after the bell rings." With that, Buffy turned on her heel and walked out the doors. 

Giles shook his head and sighed. He would never understand her, no matter how hard he tried. 

********************** 

Buffy and Giles sat in his office as she told her story. His blood ran cold at the darker parts of her narrative. His emotions matched the pain reflected on his Slayer's face, but he kept it well hidden. 

Giles was ready to dismiss her tale as a dream, until she pulled the notebooks from her backpack and handed them to him. That made the situation very different. 

"Buffy, are you absolutely sure about everything they told you?" he asked. 

"I wouldn't let them tell me everything. But I heard enough. Giles, it was bad, uber-bad. There are no words for how bad it was. I was like a zombie, just there and feeling nothing, except for Spike. Come on, Spike! Eeiiww," Buffy answered with a shudder. 

Giles smiled softly and laid the notebooks on his desk. "But you were alive? Five years in the future and you were alive?" 

"Giles, if that's my future, I don't want it. You, Will, and Xander were so sad, and I was pathetic. I promised you, not you you, but future you, that I would give the books to you. You seemed to think that anything would be better than the way you were living." 

Giles nodded his head in acceptance. Giles picked up the notebooks, as they rose from their seats and headed for the door. 

"I'll read these tonight. Will you be able to report back here after patrol? I should be able to finish them." 

"Sure," Buffy replied. "I'll tell Mom that there's a study jam on and not to wait up." Buffy sobered and continued. "Plus, I have to talk to Angel. He needs to know what could happen. See ya." 

Buffy left the library. Giles walked over to the main table and sat. Before he opened the books, he decided that a nice cuppa was in order. As he rose, the doors opened again. 

Jenny Calendar entered the room and approached him. She swung herself onto the table in front of him and looked down at him. 

"Hey, England. Anything new in the underworld today?" 

Giles decided to test Buffy's story. He offered Jenny tea and she accepted. 

When he returned from his office, he noticed her fingering the books. 

He sat the cup in front of her and resumed his seat, sliding the books away from her. 

Choosing to jump right into the thick of things, Giles calmly said, "I heard the most amazing story today." 

"Oh really? Was it a good story or a bad story?" she asked as she picked up her cup. 

"I would imagine that it depends on one's point of view. Would you happen to know anything about a Gypsy curse involving Angel?" he replied smoothly. 

Jenny's hands shook and spilled tea down the front of her shirt. She sat the cup back on the table and stared at it. 

"Jenny? Or should I say Janna?" 

Jenny rose to leave, and Giles grabbed her arm. "I think it would be best if you told me everything," he said in a low voice. 

So, she did. The entire story spilled before she could stop herself. 

Giles paced the room as she systematically ripped him to pieces. When she finished her tale, he sat back down and asked her, 

"Would you have told us? Would you have taken the risk of unleashing Angelus back onto the world?" 

Jenny sighed and wiped the tears from her cheeks. "I honestly don't know. I wasn't supposed to. I was sent here to keep an eye on Angel. I'm sorry, Rupert. I never meant to fall." 

"Jenny, please do not finish that sentence. You have used all of us, and that, I cannot forgive. What would you have done if Angelus returned?" 

"I don't know." 

"Thankfully, we will not have to find out. Buffy has gone to Angel to tell him everything. She knows that they can never have a normal relationship, if that had been in the cards to begin with. So, I wouldn't hesitate to say that your work here is done." 

"Rupert, do you think that you will ever be able to forgive me?" she asked softly. 

"I honestly don't know. Maybe someday, but not today." 

Jenny nodded and rose from her seat. "I do love you, Rupert." 

"I know, and that is what makes this harder than I thought it would be." 

Jenny had nothing left to say, so she turned and walked out of the library. 

Giles flung his glasses onto the table and ran his hand across his face. He returned to the office, bringing the teapot with him. 

'If that was true, then I can count on the rest being true, as well. Damn.' 

  
  
[NEXT](/odd/authors/jen/hardtruthsgb04.html)

  
  



	4. Hard Truths 4/5

Title: Hard Truths 4/5  
Author: [Jen](mailto:supermom11200@yahoo.com)  
Feedback: It's my drug of choice.  
Disclaimer: Nope, wasn't me. I didn't do it. Joss, ME, and various other entities did.  
  


* * *

Chapter 4

* * *

Buffy swiped at her eyes as she ran down the street; the tears she had held inside since before she returned no longer kept at bay. 

She needed to talk to someone; someone who wouldn't judge, wouldn't press for more than she knew, and would understand just how badly her heart was breaking. 

Buffy knocked frantically on Willow's window. Willow rushed to the window and threw it open when she saw who it was. 

Willow pulled her friend into the room and settled her on the bed. She tried to make sense of Buffy's broken ramblings and failed. She left the room quickly and returned with a glass of water. Buffy took the glass with a shaking hand and Willow helped settle the hand so that she could drink. 

When Buffy calmed, she poured her heart out to Willow. Not the future stuff, but the breaking up with Angel stuff. Willow pulled her into a hug and rocked her as Buffy's cries started again. 

Willow simply held her friend and grieved with her. 

********************** 

Buffy hesitated before she knocked on the door. This was the last conversation she had ever wanted to have with Angel. But have it, she must. Willow had been able to calm her enough that she wouldn't be a total basket case when she saw him. 

She slowly raised her hand to knock. Before she could complete the action, the door slid open, and her beloved stood there. 

Angel smiled down on her and stood back from the door. Buffy entered and sat gingerly on the sofa. 

Angel sat beside her and laid a hand on her shoulder. She jumped slightly and gave him a weak smile. 

"Buffy, what's wrong? Is there something new I should know about?" 

Buffy nodded her head in the affirmative and sighed. 

"Uh Angel, How much do you know about your soul?" 

"I don't understand what you mean." 

"How much do you know about what the gypsies did to give it to you?" 

"I don't know a lot about it. I could never find a gypsy who was willing to tell me," he said flashing a grim smile, "especially once torture was no longer an option. I know it's there, I can feel my love for you in it." 

Buffy gave a half-smile as she tried not to cry again. This wasn't going to be easy. Taking a deep breath she started, "Well, last night I found out a few things about it. Giles is looking into it too, but I got it from a pretty reliable source." 

Angel sensed the uneasiness radiating off Buffy, and it caused him to move further away from her, leaning back into the couch away from her. "Tell me." 

"There's a clause attached to the soul. Guess the gypsies really wanted you to suffer. Stupid gypsies; they want everyone to believe it's all fun and bright colors and fortunes. They don't bother to mention the evil, vindictive portion of it," Buffy mumbled. Angel touched her shoulder to bring her back on track. Her heart leapt, as always, at even the slightest contact. She almost couldn't meet his eyes. "One moment of true happiness will take it away." 

"True happiness? I've been happy before and nothing bad happened." 

"Uh, no, Angel." Buffy blushed. They hadn't reached the point in their relationship where she felt comfortable having this discussion. "*True happiness*," she emphasized with a gesture of her hands. 

Angel looked puzzled, "But I've done that before." 

"So don't want to hear about that," Buffy said, cutting him off. "It has to be with someone you love, like me," she whispered, daring to meet his eyes, her heart in hers. Even if this was going to end badly, she still wanted to hear him tell her he loved her. 

Angel started. "Oh! You mean if we were to." 

"Yeah. Seems like those wacky Gypsies didn't want to leave anything to chance." 

"Who told you about it?" he asked. 

"Giles did." 

"And you believe him? What if he's wrong? Maybe he made a mistake." 

"Angel, my Giles didn't tell me. A future Giles, Willow, and Xander did. They had proof, too." 

"A future Giles? What happened?" 

Buffy gave a brief recap of her previous nights' adventure. The more she told him, the harder it became to talk. Finally, when her sobs could no longer be restrained, he stopped her with a finger to her lips and pulled her into a hug. 

Buffy clung to Angel, pouring out the anguish she felt. A part of her desperately hoped that they would figure out a way around the curse, but deep down she knew that they couldn't be together. 

Eventually, her sobs abated and she pulled away from him. 

"Please, don't. I guess I might as well get used to crying on my own now. I don't think I can feel your arms around me and not want to be with you." 

"Buffy, maybe we can find some way around it, alter it somehow." 

Buffy shook her head. "I don't think there is a way to change it. If there were, we would have found one in the future. I'd give anything to change it. But I can't. It's there, and I can't ignore it when nothing but badness will happen. I wish I could say it doesn't matter. I want you to take me into your arms and never let me go, tell me that everything will be alright. But, you can't and it won't." 

Angel stood and looked everywhere but at her. "I love you Buffy. We can be together, we just won't *be* together." 

As much as she wanted to agree, and never let him go, Buffy knew that it would only get harder and harder as time went by. Eventually they would grow complacent and believe the curse wouldn't work. "So, you've decided. I have no say about it?" 

"I want to; you have no idea how bad I want to. But, we can't be together like that. It's too hard. This is probably the hardest thing I will ever do. But, I can't be with you and not *be with you*." 

Angel turned his back on her and gave a sigh, the tension he felt evident in the set of his shoulders. "You're right. When I'm with you I forget about everything except how much I love you. I told you once this wasn't a fairy tale, I just didn't know how right I was. I can't imagine how hard this will be to see you and not be with you. But you know I'll be here for you if need me though; you know that, right?" 

"I know," she whispered as the last of her hope fled, leaving a gaping emptiness behind. "I'd better go. I'll. I'll talk to you later." 

Before she reached the door Angel spoke. "Buffy," he said her name like he sometimes did, a mixture of blessing and penance. "I love you, always." 

Buffy could barely get the words out, but she knew his vampire hearing would catch them. "I'll always love you too, no matter what." At that, she ran out the door and into the fading light of the day. 

********************** 

Giles laid the last notebook aside and shuddered. If that was what their future had been, then he owed his future self thanks that the chance to change it had come. He couldn't blame himself for wanting to change as much as possible. The fact that they had survived, more or less, intact, amazed him. He had started to try to decide how much to relay to Buffy, when she slowly walked into the room. 

He rushed to her side and helped her into a chair. Leaving her for a moment, he fetched a strong cup of tea with plenty of sugar to revive her. 

She drank mechanically, not even tasting the beverage. He took the empty cup from her and waited for her to come around. 

Buffy slowly raised her eyes to his and sniffed. 

"Did you read them?" she asked. 

"Yes, I did. I understand now why you were so emphatic about bringing these with you." 

"Was it worse than what I told you?" 

"Um, yes it was. Much more than you let them tell you," he replied. 

"How much of it was my fault?" 

"I am not sure that fault or blame can be assigned. Missteps on all sides were made." 

Buffy shook her head ruefully. "Now I know that it was mostly my fault. Only you could try to fix it where I wasn't the bad guy." 

He nodded his head slightly in acknowledgement. "Now that we do know most of what will happen, we can change it. But, for every one thing that we may change, something else will take its place." 

"Anything has to be better than what they told me I did to all of you." 

"Actually, a great deal of what I read was done to you or for you. No one should have had to live that life." 

"I broke up with Angel," she told him. 

"I gathered as much. I talked to Jenny, as well." 

"Oh. And she knew." 

"Yes. She knew everything and filled in a few blank spots, too." 

"I'm sorry, Giles. This is because of me." 

"No, Buffy. By bringing this information back with you, you saved her life." 

"What do we do now?" 

Giles shrugged his shoulders. "We start fresh." 

************************** 

Spring 2003 

Giles reeled as new memories began assaulting him. He could see the new events superimposed over old ones. They jumbled in his head and his only coherent thought was, 'She made it back.' 

  
  
[NEXT](/odd/authors/jen/hardtruthsgb05.html)

  
  



	5. Hard Truths 5/5

Title: Hard Truths 5/5  
Author: [Jen](mailto:supermom11200@yahoo.com)  
Feedback: It's my drug of choice.  
Disclaimer: Nope, wasn't me. I didn't do it. Joss, ME, and various other entities did.  
  


* * *

Chapter 5

* * *

Flash forward: 

Giles was waiting for his friend Phillip when he came to town. With Ethan's help, they were able to dispose of Eyghon, with no injuries. 

When Kendra arrived, the Slayers defeated the Order of Taraka and kept Spike and Drusilla from getting Angel. 

Buffy and Giles decided to let the relationship between Ted and Joyce play out as it happened before, with the exception of Giles and Joyce walking in during their first fight and seeing that Ted was a robot. Willow dismantled the robot. 

Buffy and Giles told Joyce of her Calling. Joyce was hesitant to believe at first, but came around when Buffy saved her life while they were coming home from the library. 

After extracting a promise from Giles about helping her daughter in any way possible, Joyce accepted her daughter's destiny and gave her silent support. 

Angel was able to intercept one of the boxes, containing a piece of the Judge, and left with it. He returned months later. 

Slowly, her broken heart began to heal. 

Spike and Drusilla had remained in town keeping a low profile. They somehow managed to unite most of the vampires against the Slayer. Calling on reinforcements from the Council, including Kendra, Buffy and the gang were able to stop the uprising. Four Watchers and Kendra were the only losses. Spike and Dru left town. 

***************** 

Giles used the quiet summer months to study the notebooks carefully. He arranged a system with Buffy concerning information from the books. 

When something she needed to know appeared in them, he would leave a message for her simply saying that it was 'an urgent matter'. She would go to the school, find a notebook open to a specific place, and read. 

When Faith arrived, Buffy convinced Joyce that inviting her to live with them would be a good idea. Faith thrived under Joyce's care and helped to defeat the Mayor before he could get close to his plans for the Ascension. 

The Council sent a Watcher for Faith. Wesley Wyndham-Pryce was a good match for Faith and she grew stronger. 

After Angel decided to move to L.A., Faith and Wes went with him, telling Buffy that they were only a phone call away. 

Buffy missed Angel terribly, but knew that his leaving was for the best. After reading some of her exploits with men in the journals, she decided that she should try to be strong on her own and not depend on a boyfriend. Her prowess as a Slayer improved dramatically and Giles heartily approved her decision. 

Giles had a long talk with Xander making him see that nothing good would come if he pursued Willow. Their relationship remained platonic, ensuring that there would be no need of a vengeance demon. 

The Council tried to force Giles to perform the Cruciamentum on Buffy. Buffy told the Council clearly that, after having read diaries by previous Slayers and Watchers, if they performed the test on her, she would leave the Council. They cancelled the test. 

However, not all was perfect. 

A 1000-year-old master vampiress named Serena and a sorcerer named Gregor teamed up to open the Hellmouth. With the help of Angel, Wesley, and Faith, the Scooby Gang was able to reseal the portal and defeat the enemy, but only after the school sunk into the Hellmouth during an earthquake after graduation. 

Cordelia joined the Los Angeles contingent, following her dream of becoming an actress. 

Buffy started college and went out of her way to meet Riley. He was a nice man and good to her, but something felt off in their relationship. 

Slayer and Watcher continued a modified training schedule, allowing time for both to have a life. 

Buffy continued seeing Riley, after telling him about being the Slayer and Giles met up with an old friend, Olivia. 

Although Giles had warned her, Olivia was scared of the town when she experienced some of the things that happened there. She left, but agreed to meet Giles in neutral locations. Their relationship didn't last. 

After a short break from the working world, Giles bought the magic shop from Mr. Bogarty and the business thrived. Giles hired Xander to help in the shop and let him convert the upstairs to living quarters. He set up a training room in the back of the store for Buffy. 

Willow and Oz broke up after he went on tour with his band. Willow was inconsolable, but rebounded when she met Tara. 

Xander met a girl named Karen, who was not a demon, and their relationship thrived. 

Buffy told Riley about Adam. He refused to believe her, and broke up with her. When Adam made his appearance, Riley came to her for help. With the combined forces of the Initiative and Buffy and her friends, losses were minimal. 

Buffy passed all of her classes and loved college. She decided to major in History and become a teacher, when it was announced that the high school was being rebuilt on its previous location. 

Riley went home during the summer break, to come to terms with all that had happened with the Initiative and Sunnydale. He chose to stay in Iowa and finish his studies. 

Giles and Joyce started seeing one another casually. Buffy supported the relationship, even though it was the last thing she wanted. It was Giles who convinced Joyce that the minor headaches she had been suffering were not to be taken lightly, and the tumor was found in its' earliest stages. Giles and Joyce decided that they were better as friends and parted on good terms. 

Buffy started her second year of university and chose to live at home. Joyce or Giles drove her to campus, and one of her friends picked her up in the afternoons. 

Dawn appeared in their lives and Buffy and Giles started searching for Glory before she could take any steps to find Dawn. 

When they found her, Giles asked for, and received, Buffy's permission to call in the Council to help find a way to stop her. When they read in the notebooks that Ben and Glory were the same, Giles called in a Council Wetworks team and they eliminated Ben. 

Glory's supporters did not appreciate the destruction of their god and set about a plan of vengeance and terror in the town. Fighting side-by-side, Giles and Buffy grew closer than ever and fell in love. With Joyce's blessing, they moved in together. They bought a large house and asked Joyce and Dawn to move in with them for protection. Joyce was hesitant at first, but finally gave in. All was well, until Joyce was killed in a car accident on her way home from a Gallery showing. Buffy and Dawn were devastated. The girls recovered slowly from their loss. 

Spike returned to town to help Glory's followers. Buffy staked him during the final battle. The remaining followers fled the town. 

**************** 

Spring 2003 

Holding his head in his hands, Giles gasped and groaned as the new memories crashed upon him. He vaguely noticed that his surroundings had changed. The room became larger and different furnishings were apparent. He slowly moved to a couch nearest him and sank gratefully onto it, as more memories assailed him faster. 

He saw flashes of Xander and Karen getting married and having a son named Giles. Willow and Tara in a commitment ceremony. Dawn's first day of high school. Various creatures they fought and defeated. Ethan coming back to town and trying to kidnap Dawn for her energy. Ethan sitting in a Council prison cell, after his failed attempt. Buffy agreeing to marry Giles in a small private ceremony with only their close friends and the L.A. gang. Wesley and Faith following Buffy and Giles' lead and marrying. The Council's attempts to break up the marriages. Buffy and Faith threatening to leave the Council all together, if they were not left alone. The Council retreating and leaving them in peace. Hank Summers finally showing up to claim his daughters and both of them rejecting him, as he had rejected them. Hank leaving town in a snit. 

Soon, the memories were coming too fast for him to comprehend them all. He could catch pieces, here and there, but nothing concrete. 

Finally, the memories slowed down and then stopped. He sat up and took in his surroundings. The old remembrances were fading fast. He soon forgot them all as he made his way into the kitchen to make tea and wait for his wife to come home from school. 

Buffy had taken advantage of the summer terms at the university and graduated from college in three and a half years. She had been hired immediately by the school board (who knew her reputation for fighting evil since she left school) and was teaching at the high school, much to Dawn's dismay. Activity from the Hellmouth had slowed to almost a trickle and plans for a short family vacation, during the Spring Break, had to be finalized. 

Giles had just finished his tea-making when he heard the front door open and close, and his adored wife's voice call out, "Honey, I'm home." 

He brought the tea tray into the living room and they settled on the couch after a warm kiss. They snuggled closely as they drank. 

"How was your day?" Giles asked. 

"The usual. Tests, complaints about grades, a little fight with a giant spider that was looking for a human mate." 

"Ah, a quiet day then," he snorted. 

"Nice and boring," Buffy replied. "I think I need a nap to recover from all the excitement. Wanna join me, Husband-mine?" 

"I'm not all that tired," Giles said. 

"Silly Giles," she laughed and swatted his arm playfully. "Who said anything about sleep?" 

"In that case, love, I think that is an excellent suggestion," he said, rising to his feet and pulling his wife into his arms. 

They hugged for a moment, before Buffy asked him, "Do you ever wonder what our lives would have been like if we hadn't fallen in love?" 

Startled, Giles wondered, "What made you think about that?" 

"I don't know. Something felt off for awhile at work today and made me think about it." 

"I try not to think in such terms. Why ask about things that never were, when everything is exactly as it should be?" 

"You're right. It was just a thought," Buffy said, as her husband swept her into his arms and carried her up the stairs. 

********************** 

The two demons kicked back and smiled. The mirror they were watching faded from the scene they had been watching of the Slayer and her Watcher. 

One demon turned to the other and said, "When I called in that favor, I never thought it would turn out like that." 

"I did," the other replied. "I saw her when Angelus had him the first time. She would have made a deal with the Devil himself to save him. Well, she did make a deal with *a* devil, but." 

"Yeah, I know. During Spike's more drunken times, he used to talk about it. I never did know what she saw in him. What he saw in her, I get that." 

"Yep, she's a beauty. You did the world a favor, Clem. If you need something, just ask. THEY like it when people ask for things that help everyone instead of just that person." 

"I'll keep that in mind, Whistler. Hey, you wanna catch a movie?" 

"Sure, why not." 

  
  
The End 

  
  
[AUTHOR'S PAGE](/odd/authors/jen/jen.html)

  
  



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